TO-NIGHT I
tread the unsubstantial way |
That
looms before me, as the thundering night |
Falls
on the ocean: I must stop, and pray |
One
little prayer, and then—what bitter fight |
Flames at the end beyond the darkling goal? |
These
are my passions that my feet must tread; |
This
is my sword, the fervour of my soul; |
This
is my Will, the crown upon my head. |
For
see! the darkness beckons: I have gone, |
Before this terrible hour, towards the gloom, |
Braved the wild dragon, called the tiger on |
With
whirling cries of pride, sought out the tomb |
Where
lurking vampires battened, and my steel |
Has
wrought its splendour through the gates of death |
My
courage did not falter: now I feel |
My
heart beat wave-wise, and my throat catch breath |
As if
I choked; some horror creeps between |
The
spirit of my will and its desire, |
Some
just reluctance to the Great Unseen |
That
coils its nameless terrors, and its dire |
Fear
round my heart; a devil cold as ice |
Breathes somewhere, for I feel his shudder take |
My
veins: some deadlier asp or cockatrice |
Slimes in my senses: I am half awake, |
Half
automatic, as I move along |
Wrapped in a cloud of blackness deep as hell, |
Hearing afar some half-forgotten song |
As of
disruption; yet strange glories dwell |
Above
my head, as if a sword of light, |
Rayed
of the very Dawn, would strike within |
The
limitations of this deadly night |
That
folds me for the sign of death and sin— |
O
Light! descend! My feet move vaguely on |
In
this amazing darkness, in the gloom |
That
I can touch with trembling sense. There shone |
Once,
in my misty memory, in the womb |
Of
some unformulated thought, the flame |
And
smoke of mighty pillars; yet my mind |
Is
clouded with the horror of this same |
Path
of the wise men: for my soul is blind |
Yet:
and the foemen I have never feared |
I
could not see (if such should cross the way), |
And
therefore I am strange: my soul is seared |
With
desolation of the blinding day |
I
have come out from: yes, that fearful light |
Was
not the Sun: my life has been the death, |
This death may be the life: my spirit sight |
Knows
that at last, at least. My doubtful breath |
Is
breathing in a nobler air; I know, |
I
know it in my soul, despite of this, |
The
clinging darkness of the Long Ago, |
Cruel
as death, and closer than a kiss, |
This
horror of great darkness. I am come |
Into
this darkness to attain the light: |
To
gain my voice I make myself as dumb: |
That
I may see I close my outer sight: |
So, I
am here. My brows are bent in prayer: |
I
kneel already in the Gates of Dawn; |
And I
am come, albeit unaware, |
To
the deep sanctuary: my hope is drawn |
From
wells profounder than the very sea. |
Yea,
I am come, where least I guessed it so, |
Into
the very Presence of the Three |
That
Are beyond all Gods. And now I know |
What
spiritual Light is drawing me |
Up to
its stooping splendour. In my soul |
I
feel the Spring, the all-devouring Dawn, |
Rush
with my Rising. There, beyond the goal, |
The
Veil is rent! |
Yes:
let the veil be drawn.
[Aleister
Crowley] |